Clearly not a fan of putting a property on Rightmove, Jeremy Clarkson has gone an entirely different route in the pursuit of acquiring his perfect abode. By, um, blowing up his old one. And we’re not talking about a run-down two bed semi in Crawley. No, we’re talking about a £4,000,000 country house in the middle of the Cotswolds. Why? Because he’s Jeremy God-damn Clarkson, that’s why.
Residents of Chipping Norton were given warning, which was nice. However, that warning came 24hrs before the booms and bangs started echoing through the hills. A somewhat inconsiderate timescale. But, again, because Clarkson. Also, there were signs it was something to do with the new show The Grand Tour, with tents adorning the name seen in the grounds.
Making friends with the neighbours
After the house tumbled, one neighbour said: “All you could see was grey smoke each time they blew part of it up, but it was very loud in my house. I got a letter through the door the night before saying it would be between 1pm and 4pm. They started blowing it up about 3.15pm and finished around 4.10pm.” Adding, “there was a funeral being held at the village at 2.30pm, which was still on when the explosions started.”
There’s an obvious gag here about noises that could wake the dead, but we’re not that crude. So we’ll resist the urge.
The series of explosions did a damn fine job, reducing the once grand house to nothing more than, well, you take a look…
Apparently though, while the demolition of the old house was somewhat gratuitous, there was a point to it. Clarkson is planning to build an even grander house on the grounds. The new house will be huge, featuring a stable, a five car garage (obviously), six bedrooms and an orangery. Because an orangery is what springs to mind when you hear Clarkson’s name.
Needless to say, the mainstream media is having a field day with this. Mainly because they hate Clarkson. As for Onlymotors? Well, the way we see it, nobody got hurt, Clarkson did what was needed to build his house and if the cameras were indeed there, we can look forward to something far more exciting than 60 Minute Makeover! Win/win in our book.