What happens when you stick 500k matches to a Lada?

It’s the question that’s been quite literally burning in everyone’s mind for decades: what, exactly, happens you glue half a million matches to a Lada and set light to them?

Thanks to Russian mentalists Garage 54 we finally, at long last, have an answer. This group of self-professed “grown-up morons” selflessly embarked on their vital public service mission, meticulously glueing no less than 500,00 matches to the skin of a knackered, beige Lada.

You’ve probably seen at least one of the hundreds of videos on Youtube in which someone lights a big pile of matches that explodes in a blaze of potassium and sulphur. So you’re expecting something similar to happen here, burning the Lada to a cinder in short order, right? Erm, sorry to disappoint, but no.

See, the morons made the mistake of lining up the match heads in rows and not placing them close together. So, when they’re lit, only small areas of matches burn. And not for anything like long enough to set the paintwork on fire. In fact, the fire only really gets going when the moron-in-chief sprays some accelerant on the car. And into it, which ignites whatever horrible synthetic materials the interior is made from and that is what allows the fire to take hold. Even then, when the blaze is extinguished, large areas of matches remain untouched.

Not a successful experiment then, but at least a Lada has been exsponged from the world.

So the lesson here is, erm, it’s better to put a lit match in a car than on it. Not that you should be trying to set a car on fire, anyway. Even if you are a grown up moron with a professional fire crew nearby.

By Graham King

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