I’M selling the house. Selling the kids. And selling my kidneys and whatever other organ I can afford to live without.
I don’t care what it takes, anything to have enough money for this utterly, mouthwatering, breathtaking, blood-pumping, sex-on-wheels Vision Mercedes-Maybach 6 Cabriolet.
Just look at it.
Keeping looking at it.
Try NOT looking at it.
It’s half billionaires yacht, half car. The sort of thing Roman Abramovich glides through oceans in – but with wheels.
It’s more sleeker and aerodynamic than a dart thrown by Phil Taylor at a reassuringly swanky 5.7m long and 2.1m wide. Yet somehow it’s only a two-seater.
That means it’s either got a bloody big boot or enough legroom for the Harlem Globetrotters reunion.
Every piece of this Maybach is a work of art who was unveiled at the Monterey Car Week in California.
In practical terms, it’s just a roof ripped off version of the all-electric Vision Mercedes-Maybach 6 shown at Pebble Beach this time last year.
But it’s far more than that.
It’s almost too fantasy to be reality. I keep expecting Parker to emerge from the driver’s seat with Lady Penelope tottering along behind on strings.
Yet this will be arriving in showrooms, albeit not dealerships any of us can afford to window shop in. Don’t expect it next to a Corsa and Fiesta in your local Arfur Daley back alley.
There’s the monster grille bigger than any Aussie barbie could boast plus huge dustbin lid glitzy wheels.
The drama is even more extraordinary on the inside. Once the white fabric roof folds back it uncovers a nightclub of LEDs.
There’s crystal and white nappa leather, illuminated buttons stitched into seats. But the pièce de résistance is the centre tunnel which exposes the car’s electric energy flow with blue fibre optic lights.
Anyway, any takers for my kidney?